


Those Five Years

by heir2slytherin



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, F/F, Infinity Stone Soul World (Marvel), Love Confessions, Memory Loss, Non-Explicit Sex, Post-Endgame, Soul Stone (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-19 10:08:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29748906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heir2slytherin/pseuds/heir2slytherin
Summary: You’d think that for people who had been alive for nearly a century, five years wouldn’t have much of an impact, but you would be sorely mistaken. A lot can happen in five years. Bucky didn’t exactly know what happened in those five years, but he knew something had changed. Sam didn’t seem to remember either, so Bucky knew that asking him would be a dead end.Steve was a whole other problem to Bucky. Before he dusted, Bucky knew that he wasn’t the person that Steve had known before the war, and he was certain that he had changed even more. He wasn’t sure how, but he knew that he had changed, and he knew that he needed to tell Steve that.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 3
Kudos: 27





	Those Five Years

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So this might be a little rushed, but I just love the idea of the Soul World, and I wanted to get this out as soon as possible. Also, I know that Aunt May was a part of the blip, but for the sake of this fic, she was not. Hope you like it!

You’d think that for people who had been alive for nearly a century, five years wouldn’t have much of an impact, but you would be sorely mistaken. A lot can happen in five years. Bucky didn’t exactly know what happened in those five years, but he knew _something_ had changed. Sam didn’t seem to remember either, so Bucky knew that asking him would be a dead end. 

Steve was a whole other problem to Bucky. Before he dusted, Bucky knew that he wasn’t the person that Steve had known before the war, and he was certain that he had changed even more. He wasn’t sure how, but he knew that he had changed, and he knew that he needed to tell Steve that. 

Bucky waited until everything died down after the battle and the funerals to sit down and have a conversation with Steve. When Bucky told Steve that they needed to talk, it seemed like Steve also had something to say, so they decided to kill two birds with one stone.

“So,” Steve said, looking at Bucky who was pacing back and forth in the guest room that he, Steve, and Sam were sharing. “What did you want to talk about?”

“Five years?” Bucky asked. Steve nodded. “I don’t remember them at all. I know that there’s something there because I keep having weird deja vu, but I can’t remember any of it.”

“What’s the deja vu like?” Steve asked. Bucky thought about it for a moment before he answered. 

“I think I met someone there,” Bucky explained, causing Steve to raise his eyebrows. “I feel like I really bonded with someone, and now that I’m back, I feel like there’s this hole.”

“I, um, I get that,” Steve responded, looking at the ground. “That’s how it was for me after I came out of the ice. It didn’t take me long to remember that the person I left behind was Peggy.”

“Right, Peggy,” Bucky murmured. He let out a breath. “It, uh, it hurt a lot when you fell in love with Peggy. I didn’t understand how you could’ve fallen out of love with me that quickly, but I think I might get it now. You don’t need to feel guilty anymore, though. I know that’s what all these years have been. You were fighting so hard for me because you felt like you left me behind to be with her, and then you felt even worse because I was alive and you didn’t know. You don’t need to feel guilty anymore because I know what it’s like to meet another person and fall in love.”

“In love?” Steve asked with a smirk. Bucky blushed slightly. “That’s not all it was, you know. I still loved you. I _still_ love you. I was fighting for you because you were my first love and my best friend. I’m always going to love you.”

“I know,” Bucky responded, a soft smile on his face. “I’m always going to love you too. Always. But it’s not fair to keep trying to make this work if there are other people out there for us.”

“Wait, how did you know?” Steve questioned. Bucky let out a chuckle.

“Please, Steve, I know you better than anyone. The second I heard about the time travel, I knew that you were going to go back to her,” Bucky explained. Now, it was Steve’s turn to blush. 

“And you’re not upset?” 

“Of course not. You need to be with your love, and I probably need to figure out who mine is.”

“Oh, right. Who do you think it could be?” Steve wondered. Bucky shrugged.

“I have no idea. It could be literally anyone,” Bucky stated. Just then, Sam walked into their shared room. 

“All done here, old folks?” he asked. Steve and Bucky both rolled their eyes. “Who’s sharing a bed?”

“Buck?” Steve questioned. The easy answer would be him and Steve. They shared beds together for their entire life. However, there was something inside of Bucky that was screaming _Sam, Sam, Sam_. 

“You have a big day tomorrow,” Bucky told Steve. “Sam and I can share tonight.”

“Alright,” Steve said with a knowing smile. Bucky wasn’t sure what Steve knew, but he sure as hell knew something. “I’ll probably hit the hay then. I’ll see you both in the morning.”

“Goodnight,” Sam said, walking over to his side of the bed. 

“Night, Stevie,” Bucky echoed, shooting Steve a smile. He began to pull his hair up into a half-up, half-down bun. 

“When did you start wearing your hair like that?” Sam questioned. “You had it like that during the battle too.”

“I’m not sure,” Bucky answered. Thinking about it now, he had no idea why he did it. It seemed like second nature, but he never did it before he went into the soul stone. “Wait, why are you being so nosy about my hair?”

“I’m not being nosy, man,” Sam scoffed. “I’m just being observant.”

“Did you observe that it looks good?” Bucky asked as he got into bed next to Sam. Sam looked at Bucky’s hair again.

“Well, I’m not saying that it _doesn’t_ look good,” Sam responded finally. He smirked at Bucky. “Goodnight, man bun.”

“Yeah, goodnight, pigeon.”

...

Sam never exactly looked forward to his dreams at night. To him, a good night of sleep was a dreamless one. As he closed his eyes that night, he was immediately transported somewhere else, and he knew that it wasn’t going to be one of those nights tonight. It didn’t really feel like a dream though.

_He was in a house that he never saw before, but it felt like he lived there for a considerable amount of time. Then, he heard someone groan._

_“Bucky?” Sam asked, walking into what he assumed was a living room. “What are you grumbling about?”_

_“My stupid hair,” Bucky responded, pushing it out of his face. Sam tried to hide a smirk. “Don’t fucking laugh at me, Wilson.”_

_“I’m not laughing at all,” Sam said, most definitely holding back a laugh. “Why don’t you cut it?”_

_“Are you crazy? My hair is beautiful. It would be a sin to cut it,” Bucky stated. Sam rolled his eyes._

_“Yeah, okay, Jesus,” he joked. Then, he thought of something. “Wait a second. This might work at least until we see Wanda later tonight and can ask her for some hair ties.”_

_Sam walked into the kitchen and grabbed a rubber band from the junk drawer before returning back to the living room to find a very confused Bucky._

_“Do you want it all up or just some of it?” Sam asked. Bucky shrugged. “Alright, I’ll leave some down. Turn so I can sit behind you.”_

_Bucky shifted on the couch so that Sam could sit behind him. Sam began to comb Bucky’s hair back with his fingers and assemble it into a pile._

_“Okay, this isn’t technically meant for hair, so it might hurt a bit,” Sam explained before wrapping the rubber band around Bucky’s hair, causing him to grimace. “I warned you.”_

_“Shut up,” Bucky said, getting up and walking to the bathroom to look at his hair._

_“You could’ve thanked me first,” Sam teased, Bucky locking eyes with him through the mirror. They shared a smile. “Like it?”_

_“Love it,” Bucky responded. “Thank you.”_

_All of a sudden, Sam was being sucked out of the bathroom and brought to what he could only assume was his bedroom. He was sitting on the bed when Bucky walked out of the bathroom. Sam thought it was weird that Bucky would be in his bathroom, but he shook it off._

_“Hey, have you seen any hair ties?” Bucky asked. Sam shrugged, but he was smirking slightly. “Come on, Wanda will kill me if I ask for any more.”_

_“I might know where you have some,” Sam offered. “I might also have one right now.”_

_“Oh, really?” Bucky asked, moving closer to Sam. “Are you going to give it to me?”_

_“You’re going to have to ask nicely,” Sam told him. Bucky rolled his eyes._

_“Can I please have the hair tie?” Bucky asked. Sam stood up from the bed and pulled the hair tie off his wrist. “Hot.”_

_“Hot?” Sam asked, an eyebrow raised._

_“Yeah, it’s hot that you have that on your wrist for me. Like you’re always ready to take care of me,” Bucky explained. Sam put his hands on Bucky’s shoulders and turned him around._

_“I am always ready to take care of you,” Sam told him, before tying Bucky’s hair up just the way he liked it. Then, he dropped a kiss on Bucky’s neck. “I ever tell you how hot you look like this?”_

_“Only every single time,” Bucky said, turning around and kissing Sam on the lips. “Well, not the first time, but in your defense, we weren’t together back then.”_

_“Because we were stupid,” Sam said against Bucky’s lips. “I have no idea how I ever lived without you.”_

Sam shot up in bed. He looked around the room and saw that it was still dark, and both Steve and Bucky were still asleep. He looked down at Bucky and saw his little bun. His heart did a flip. Whatever he just experienced was not a dream, and he had no idea what it meant. 

…

It wasn’t long until Steve and Bucky woke up. Steve wanted to get on the time travel road early. Sam was already up and out of bed when Bucky got up. Bucky had the urge to ask him why he was up so early, but the only thing weirder than Sam’s sleeping habits was Bucky picking up on them. He had no idea why he noticed such a thing, and more than that, he was incredibly confused about why he cared. Then, out of nowhere, Bucky remembered something.

_“Sam,” Bucky groaned, rolling over in bed. He was feeling for something that wasn’t there. “Where the hell are you?”_

_Bucky rubbed his eyes and slowly got out of bed. He padded barefoot into the kitchen and saw Sam sitting on the couch with his knees to his chest. Bucky frowned before walking over and sitting a few feet away from him._

_“What’s wrong?” Bucky asked sincerely. “If you needed space you could’ve kicked me out. It’s your bed after all.”_

_“No, it’s_ our _bed,” Sam whispered, not looking at Bucky. “I had a nightmare.”_

_“Oh, sweetheart, you know you can talk to me about that sort of thing. That’s what we do. We help each other through that crap.”_

_“I know,” Sam murmured. “It’s just that...the nightmare was about Riley. I get those sometimes, and I didn’t want you to think that you’re just a replacement for him or something.”_

_“I could never think that,” Bucky replied, putting a hand on Sam’s knee. “I know that you’re always gonna love Riley, and a part of me is always going to love Steve. That doesn’t mean that we don’t love each other, and you know that.”_

_“That doesn’t mean that you would want to hear about my Riley crap.”_

_“It means that I want to hear about all your crap,” Bucky stated, causing Sam to smile for the first time since the conversation started. “This isn’t going to work if we can’t be open about everything with each other-- the good, bad and ugly. It’s going to be hard. A lot of things are hard to talk about, for both of us, but if we trust each other, then it’ll be okay.”_

_“Since when did you become the therapist in this relationship?” Sam asked, eyes flicking up to meet Bucky’s. Bucky smiled in return._

_“I just love you a lot is all,” he responded. He looked Sam in the eyes with a sincere look on his face. “If something like this happens again, I want you to tell me. I never want to wake up in bed without you next to me again, okay?”_

_“Okay,” Sam said with a nod. Then, he smiled. “I love you.”_

_“I love you too,” Bucky said, standing up and offering a hand for Sam to pull himself up with. “Now, how about we make some breakfast?”_

Eventually, Bucky came back to the real world when he realized that Sam and Steve were both staring at him. _What the fuck was that?_

“Where did you go, Buck?” Steve asked, staring quizzically at him. 

“Just thinking about how much I’m gonna miss you is all,” Bucky replied. Sam looked away when he said that, and Bucky wondered if Sam was having any weird memories too. 

“Well, you can’t miss me if we don’t get this show on the road,” Steve stated, grabbing the shield and hammer. “Let’s do this.”

The three of them exited the house and met Bruce outside. Everything was all set up for Steve’s mission. Bucky was being honest earlier; he was going to miss Steve a lot. Well, he was going to miss this Steve. Young Steve. _His_ Steve, not that he was his anymore. 

Bucky felt bad that Sam didn’t know what was going to happen as Steve disappeared and didn’t come back. It wasn’t fair to him, and Bucky was going to tell Steve that when he returned. But, Bucky couldn’t help but smile as he sent Sam to go talk to Steve. He smiled even wider when he saw Steve give Sam the shield. 

“Cap,” Bucky said with a grin when Sam walked over to him. The poor guy looked mortified.

“Did you know?” he asked.

“I knew he was going, but I didn’t know he was going to make you Cap,” Bucky informed him. “It was the right move, though. You’re going to be a great Captain America.”

“Thanks,” Sam responded, sheepishly. “You gonna talk to him?”

“Yeah, I think I will,” Bucky said, clapping Sam on the shoulder. His hand tingled as he did it, and his eyes went wide. He walked away as quickly as possible and hoped that Sam didn’t notice. “You should’ve told Sam.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” Steve asked. Bucky just rolled his eyes before he sat down next to Steve on the bench.

“I’m sure it would’ve been nice for him to know that his best friend was gonna come back with one foot in the grave.”

“You know as well as I do that if Sam knew he would’ve told me not to go,” Steve stated. “He would’ve told me that the world still needed me, and it would’ve worked. Plus, he never would’ve taken the shield if I didn’t just spring it on him.”

“You’re right,” Bucky stated. Steve smiled.

“How do you know so much about the inner-workings of Sam’s brain? What’s got you so worried about him?”

“Asshole,” Bucky muttered, causing Steve to smirk. “Yeah, okay, so it might be him.”

“What brought you to that conclusion?” Steve asked.

“There’s just something pulling me to him. I don’t know how to explain it,” Bucky stated. “Plus, I kind of had a really vivid memory about him earlier.”

“When you zoned out?” Steve asked, causing Bucky to nod. “I knew it.”

“Oh, shut up.”

“Are you going to tell him?”

“There’s no way that he still feels that way about me,” Bucky stated sadly. “It was probably just because he was lonely wherever we were.”

“Buck…”

“I’ll tell him, Steve. Just not right now. I need time.”

“Just don’t take too much time. I’m not letting you use any Pym Particles to go back and time and make it right with your love,” Steve told him. “That’s only cool when I do it.”

“Whatever you say, old man.”

...

Sam watched as Bucky and Steve talked. He was feeling weird after the dream, and that weirdness was just amplified when Bucky touched him and he felt every single hair on his body rise at the same time. 

He was watching his two friends very intently, though. He figured that Bucky was probably taking Steve going back to Peggy pretty hard. He didn’t know that much about Bucky before the Blip, but he did know that Bucky’s world revolved around Steve.

_“Fuck.” Sam heard someone groan when he came to. He looked up and saw Bucky standing in the middle of a field. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Steve!”_

_“Bucky?” Sam asked, slowly walking over to Bucky. He had absolutely no idea where he was._

_“Sam?” Bucky replied. “Where are we? Where is Steve?”_

_“I have no idea. I just remember fucking disintegrating and then waking up here.”_

_“Are we dead?” Bucky questioned, but Sam just shrugged._

_“No.” They both turned to where the voice came from and saw Wanda sitting on the ground looking miserable. “We’re not dead. Thanos snapped us all here. We’re in the soul stone.”_

_“But we’re alive?” Sam asked._

_“Unfortunately,” Wanda replied. “We’re stuck here until they figure out a way to beat Thanos, if that ever happens, of course.”_

_“They’ll figure something out. They always do,” Sam assured her. Then, he turned his focus back to Bucky who looked like he was going to throw up or cry or maybe both. “Bucky?”_

_“I just got him back,” Bucky said, collapsing to the ground and holding his head in his hands. “This isn’t fucking fair.”_

_“You’ll get back to him again,” Sam said, sitting down next to him. “You guys were, uh, together weren’t you?”_

_“Not since before the war,” Bucky responded. “We were waiting until I was alright to try again, but obviously that never happened.”_

_“It will,” Sam promised. “Until then I guess we just sit in this field.”_

_“The soul stone can be whatever you want it to be,” Wanda informed him. “If you imagine something, it’ll appear. Doesn’t work on people though, so don’t even try.”_

_“Okay, let me try,” Sam said, closing his eyes tight._

_“Woah,” Bucky breathed out. Sam opened his eyes and saw a house not twenty feet away from them. “You living in that big thing alone, pigeon?”_

_“No, dickwad. I imagined two bedrooms, so you’re more than welcome to live with me.”_

Sam came to as Steve and Bucky walked toward him laughing at a joke he wasn’t in on. That’s just how it was always going to be. Even if something had happened between him and Sam in the soul stone, Bucky’s heart was always going to belong to Steve. Sam was just going to have to live with that.

...

It only made sense that Sam and Bucky move in together, even if they didn’t admit why it made sense. It also made sense that they lived in New York rather than DC. It wasn’t because of Steve. If that were the case, they would’ve lived with him in Brooklyn, but no, instead they moved to Queens. _Queens_. Neither one of them had any idea why they would have such a strong bond with Queens until Bucky ran into someone at the grocery store one day.

“Oh, sir, I am so sorry.” Bucky heard a familiar voice say after he felt something smash into his back. He turned around to see a teenage boy whose face he didn’t quite recognize. “Buck?”

“Pete?” Bucky asked, nickname slipping out of his mouth without his permission. He had no idea who this kid was. Then, like magic, a memory from the back of his head was pulled forward.

 _It was a few days after the dusting when Bucky was sitting on the porch of his and Sam’s house. There wasn’t much to do in the soul world, so Bucky had taken to old man activities such as watching his nonexistent neighbors. Well, they_ were _all nonexistent until he saw a teenage boy walking up the street._

_“Hey, kid. You lost?” Bucky asked, shifting forward in his rocking chair. The boy stopped walking and stared at Bucky. He looked so lost and alone, and Bucky’s heart broke._

_“Are you the Winter Soldier guy?” the kid asked._

_“I don’t really go by that anymore,” Bucky responded. “You can call me Bucky.”_

_“Hi, Bucky. I’m Peter Parker, but um, you probably know me as Spiderman,” the kid, Peter said, and Bucky’s eyes went wide._

_“No way. You’re the kid who beat the shit out of me and Sam!” Bucky exclaimed. Then, he got worried again. “How old are you?”_

_“Sixteen.”_

_“Shit, kid. You have anyone here?”_

_“Um, no. I’m alone.”_

_“Well, Sam and I, we have a big house for just two people. You’re more than welcome to stay here,” Bucky stated. Peter smiled softly._

_“Really?” he asked, grinning._

_“Of course, kid. Come on, Sam’ll want to meet you.”_

Just as quickly as he was pulled into the memory, Bucky was thrown out. Now, he was standing in a grocery store in front of a kid who he didn’t know but who he also helped raise. 

“Peter,” Bucky breathed out, pulling him into a hug. Peter hugged back just as tightly. “I saw you at the funeral, but I didn’t recognize you. I’m sorry. Are you alright? Are you back with your aunt?”

“It’s okay. I didn’t remember you until I saw you just now,” Peter explained into Bucky’s chest, neither of them wanting to pull away just yet. “I’m alright. Still adjusting to being back, but I’m fine. And, yeah, I’m back with May. How are you? How’s Sam?”

“Me and Sam are just fine,” Bucky told him, finally pulling away. “We just moved into an apartment a few blocks from here. I’m sure he’d love to see you, but, Pete, he doesn’t remember anything. He doesn’t even remember being with me. At least, not yet.”

“He what?” Peter asked, completely shocked.

“Look, I’m positive he doesn’t remember me, but maybe he remembers you. I don’t want you to be upset about it. It’s nothing personal. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.”

“No, I know. I’m not upset about that. I’m upset that my da-- that you guys aren’t together,” Peter explained. Bucky knew what Peter was going to call them, but he didn’t say anything. 

“I know, bud, but it’ll all work out. I promise,” Bucky assured him. “I should probably get going, but I’ll see you around. I’ll do more than that. I’ll see you all the time, okay?”

“Yeah, course,” Peter replied. He hugged Bucky one last time. “Bye, d--Buck.”

...

Bucky had been out for a few hours, which gave Sam a lot of time to think about things. There wasn’t really much for him to think about as he didn’t know the full story. He had no idea what happened in those five years. 

Sam’s mind jumped from topic to topic hoping beyond all hope that something would trigger another memory. Eventually, Sam’s mind landed on Steve, and that did the trick.

_“I wish I could just forget about Steve,” Bucky said as he and Sam sat on the couch that night. Sam was taken aback by Bucky’s abruptness. “I wish there was a way for me to just forget about it all and move on.”_

_“Well, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else,” Sam offered, looking at the television and not the man sitting next to him._

_“Who exactly am I going to get under here, Sam? The only people around here are other Avengers who either hate me, are with other people, or are minors.”_

_“You’ll just have to go search for someone I guess.”_

_“If only there were someone right under my nose who could help me out,” Bucky stated, staring pointedly at Sam. Sam wasn’t budging though. Bucky moved closer to him. “Someone I really trust. Someone who knows me. Someone who isn’t all that bad to look at.”_

_“Oh, you really know how to charm a man, don’t you, Barnes?” Sam asked, still not looking at him. Bucky moved impossibly closer. “Bucky, come on. You don’t actually want this.”_

_“You don’t know what I want,” Bucky whispered. “If you don’t want to, then obviously it’s a no, and we both move on and forget it ever happened. If you do want it though, then it should happen. I want you, Sam. I need you.”_

_“Are you sure about this?” Sam asked, finally turning to face him. “You want to have sex with me?”_

_“Look, I don’t know how long we’re gonna be here. What I do know is that I’m not spending all my time here not doing anything worthwhile.”_

_“And you think sleeping with me will be worthwhile?” Sam asked, smirking._

_“I know it will, bird boy. What do you say?”_

_“I say that we should go to my bedroom,” Sam said, leaning into Bucky’s space before getting up and grinning as Bucky hurried behind him._

So, that was it. He and Bucky must’ve had a no strings attached, friends with benefits thing going on. It must’ve just been a way to pass their time while they were stuck in there. Mostly, it was just a way for Bucky to get over Steve. Just then, Sam’s phone began to ring. He groaned when he saw that it was Steve. 

“Hey, Steve,” he said when he picked up the phone. “Now isn’t the best time.”

“Oh, is something wrong?” the old man asked. Sam absolutely hated how he sounded. His blood began to boil, and he couldn’t keep it in any longer.

“Yes, Steve, something is wrong but it’s you not me,” Sam spat. “How could you do that to Bucky? I don’t understand. How could you just cast him aside like that?”

“What?”

“I’m not dumb, Steve. I know that you two were together before the war, and I know that he’s still in love with you now.”

“Sam, you don’t know what you’re talking about,” Steve said calmly. “Buck and I talked before I left. He gave me his blessing.”

“Of course he gave you his blessing. He would never have told you not to go. He loves you too much,” Sam told him. “You shouldn’t have done it. It was a messed up thing to do, and now Bucky is suffering.”

“Bucky isn’t suffering,” Steve assured him, but Sam just rolled his eyes. “I know you don’t believe me, but I’m right. You would know that if you just talked to Bucky. Or if he just talked to you. I’m sorry if you think that what I did was wrong, but I never would’ve done it if I didn’t know that Bucky would be okay.”

“You’re right,” Sam breathed out. “I’m sorry. It wasn’t my place, and I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that.”

“Don’t worry about it, pal. You were just looking out for Bucky.”

“Not sure why,” Sam muttered, and he swore he heard the old man laugh.

...

It was a few hours later when Sam and Bucky sat down to have dinner. Things were still very awkward between them, but neither one of them wanted to be too far from the other for too long. It was just an unspoken thing. Even if they weren’t talking, they always had to be near each other. 

So, they sat across from each other at their kitchen table. They were eating takeout from some Italian place. Sam had ordered penne with vodka sauce, his favorite food. Bucky wasn’t sure how he knew that fact, but he knew it. Bucky looked across the table at Sam, who seemed to be very much enjoying his dinner, and he smiled to himself.

_“This is good, but it has nothing on the vodka sauce back home,” Sam said after taking a bite of the food that Bucky made. Bucky rolled his eyes._

_“Well, I’m sorry,” he said sarcastically. “God, you try to do a nice thing around here, and it’s never good enough.”_

_“Shut up,” Sam told him, looking him in the eyes. He raised his eyebrows at the man sitting across from him. “It’s very good for your first try. And thank you for tonight.”_

_“All I did was kick Pete out for the night and make some half ass pasta.”_

_“It’s more than that, and you know it. Plus, you’ll really celebrate my birthday later on.”_

_“So you’re saying I could’ve just fucked you for your present?” Bucky questioned, causing Sam to shrug. Then, Bucky’s heart began to beat faster. “Actually, Sam, there’s something that I wanted to talk to you about. It’s about the sex.”_

_“I don’t think my birthday is the best time for you to tell me that you want to stop having sex with me, Barnes.”_

_“No, no, it’s, um, not that,” Bucky stammered. “Your birthday probably isn’t the best time to bring this up, you’re right, but if I don’t do it now, I might not ever, and I really, really need to get it off my chest.”_

_“Buck, calm down,” Sam said, putting a hand over Bucky’s on the table. “Whatever you have to say, just say it. I won’t be upset.”_

_“I love you,” Bucky whispered, looking Sam in the eyes. Sam’s eyes went wide. “I’m sorry to spring it on you like this, especially because it’s your birthday, but it’s true. I love you so much, and I love what we have. I love our house and our fucking kid. I love our little family. I just love you, okay?”_

_“Bucky, Jesus, I thought it was gonna be something bad,” Sam breathed out. He smiled at the other man. “I love you too, dummy. So fucking much. I love our family more than anything.”_

_“Okay, good,” Bucky said, going back to his dinner. Sam scoffed._

_“That’s it? That’s all you have to say.”_

_“I worked very hard on this meal, and I’m not letting it go to waste,” Bucky explained, forking more food into his mouth. “Love you, though.”_

_“It’s moments like this where I regret loving you.”_

_“You could never,” Bucky stated, and he was right. “Happy birthday, sweetheart.”_

“Bucky?” Sam asked, shaking Bucky from his memory. His eyes shot up to meet Sam’s. “You good?”

“Yeah, yeah, sorry. I was just zoned out for a few minutes,” Bucky explained, going back to his food. “Your dinner good?”

“It’s good, but I feel like I’ve had better before,” Sam responded, and Bucky’s cheeks went red. “And, I don’t think it was in DC either. I don’t remember when or where, but I remember having this really good vodka sauce on one of my birthdays.”

“Weird,” Bucky muttered, hoping beyond all hope that Sam would drop the conversation.

...

It wasn’t getting easier for either of them. Sam kept remembering exclusively sexual things, and Bucky kept remembering all their happy family moments. It had been a week since Bucky saw Peter at the grocery store. He knew that he needed to do something, so he came up with a plan. He hoped that Peter would be at the grocery store again at the same time, and he very politely asked Sam to go pick up some things for dinner. Bucky was hoping that they would run into each other and hopefully Sam would remember. 

Sam was looking all around the store for the ridiculous number of things that Bucky asked him to buy. He was beginning to think that Bucky sent him to buy a bunch of random things just to play a joke on him when he heard a gasp from behind him.

“Sam?” a voice asked. Sam turned around to see a teenage boy who did not know.

“Sorry, do I know you?” Sam asked, not knowing if he was a fan or someone who actually knew Sam. He looked over the kid’s face for a moment before it hit him. 

_“Hey, Pete, I wanted to talk to you about something,” Sam said one day as he and Peter were eating lunch in their kitchen. “But, you can’t tell Bucky.”_

_“Come on, Sam, you know I’m not good at secrets,” Peter groaned. Sam rolled his eyes fondly._

_“I could just keep this really fascinating information to myself then,” Sam suggested, taking a bite of his sandwich. He knew that Peter would take the bait._

_“No, no, I wanna know. Tell me.”_

_“Whatever you say,” Sam replied, a smirk on his face. Then, his smile turned soft. “I’m gonna ask Bucky to marry me.”_

_“What?” Peter asked, almost choking to death on the food he was chewing. Sam laughed at the idiot kid across from him. “Sam, that’s awesome.”_

_“You think so?”_

_“Duh, my dads are gonna get married,” Peter blurted out, but then his eyes went wide. “I’m sorry. I just, I’ve come to think of you guys as my dads.”_

_“We’ve been raising you for five years, kiddo. I think it’s perfectly fine if you call us your dads. Lord knows we think of you as our kid,” Sam said sincerely, causing Peter to grin. “Anyway, you want to help me propose to your other dad?”_

_“I would love to,” Peter responded. Then, he felt an all too familiar sensation. “Dad, it's happening again.”_

_“What’s happening?” Sam asked, but his question was answered when he watched Peter turn to dust._

“Pete, holy fuck,” Sam whispered when he came to, tears in his eyes. He pulled Peter into a bone crushing hug. “You scared the hell out of me the last time I saw you. It was only a few minutes before I followed, but then I lost all my memories. I missed you so much, bud.”

“I missed you too, dad,” Peter said into Sam’s shoulder. He pulled back frantically. “Oh, God, I’m sorry. I’m not sure if that’s okay now. I know you said it was okay back then, but now is different. Bucky said you didn’t even remember us, so obviously you wouldn’t be okay with me calling you dad.”

“Kid, take a breath, jeez,” Sam said, putting a hand on Peter’s shoulder. He squinted at the kid. “What did you say about Bucky?”

“Shit,” Peter muttered. He let out a groan. “I saw him here last week. We didn’t remember each other, but then we did. It was so weird. But, then he said that you didn’t remember being with him, and he wasn’t sure if you remembered me at all.”

“I didn’t,” Sam admitted. “I didn’t know that me and Buck were serious, and I didn’t remember you at all. Clearly, we were serious though because I was gonna ask him to marry me. I was gonna ask him to marry me, Pete. And, you, you were, _are_ , our son.”

“Are you gonna ask him to marry you now?” Peter asked. 

“I don’t know,” Sam responded honestly. “I didn’t think he remembered. I figured he would want to be with Steve. I have no idea what he remembers or what he wants.”

“He wants to be with you, dad,” Peter stated easily. “He was a mess when I saw him the other day. He misses you.”

“I don’t know, kid.”

“You love him, right?”

“Yeah,” Sam said softly, smiling slightly. “I do. I can’t believe I didn’t remember how badly I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.”

“Then, talk to him. Please. For me,” Peter practically begged. “I have to get home or Aunt May will kill me, but I’ll give you my number so you can call me the second you talk to dad.”

“Alright, bud,” Sam stated, smiling at Peter as he typed his number into Sam’s phone. “I’ll call you soon.”

“You better.”

...

Bucky figured that he had some time to kill while Sam was at the store, so he decided to go to Steve’s house. Steve was always happy to see him, and he was even happier to lecture him on why telling Sam was so important.

“You have to tell him,” Steve said as soon as Bucky walked through the door. He was sitting in what Bucky liked to call Steve’s “old man chair.” Bucky rolled his eyes and sat down on the couch across from the chair. 

“Steve, come on,” Bucky groaned. “You know that it’s not that easy. I don’t even know if he remembers or if he would still want to be with me. You of all people know how hard it is to love me.”

“What?” Steve asked, disgusted by Bucky’s statement. “Bucky, loving you was the easiest thing I ever did.”

“Yeah, well, you’re you, and that was before. Who’s to say that Sam would still want me after everything?”

“Did he tell you that he called me?” Steve asked, not paying any mind to Bucky’s ridiculous notions. 

“No, but I’m not exactly surprised considering you’re friends,” Bucky responded.

“He called me to tell me off about leaving you,” Steve stated, and Bucky’s eyes went wide. “Yeah. He thinks that you’re in love with me and heartbroken because I left you for Peggy.”

“Fuck,” Bucky groaned. Just then, both men heard the door open.

“Oh, sorry Steve. I didn’t know you had company,” the person said. Bucky turned around to see Wanda closing the door behind her.

_“What do you need Bucky?” Wanda asked, closing the door behind him as he walked into her house._

_“I have to talk to you about something personal, and I don’t want to upset you,” Bucky stated, pacing back and forth, not looking at her._

_“I’m a big girl, Bucky,” she said, causing Bucky to scoff._

_“Please, you’re practically a fetus compared to me,” he joked. Then, he looked at her apologetically. “Sorry, I do actually want to have a serious conversation. That was uncalled for.”_

_“It’s fine, you dork. Just tell me what’s wrong.”_

_“If you met someone else, would you ever think about getting married?” Bucky asked abruptly. Wanda looked at him quizzically. Bucky began pacing again. “I always planned on marrying Steve. Even when it was illegal, marrying him was all I wanted. I never thought I would want to marry anyone else, but here I am. And if we get back, what if Steve’s upset that I moved on? I just don’t know what to do.”_

_“Alright, breathe. Why don’t you sit down?” Wanda offered, leading Bucky to the kitchen counter. Bucky sat down on one stool and Wanda sat on another. She waited a moment before she said anything. “I am not in any way over Vision. He is very much still the love of my life. However, if there came a day when I found someone else and Vision was really gone, I would like to believe that he would want me to be happy. That’s all the people we love want for us after all. They just want us to be happy.”_

_“Yeah, I guess.”_

_“If the roles were reversed and Steve found someone in these last few years, would you be happy for him?” Wanda asked, and Bucky was taken aback. He hadn’t thought about that._

_“Yeah, I think I would be,” he answered honestly. “He did find someone else at one time, and I wasn’t happy for him. I didn’t get it, but now I do. If he wanted to be with her now, I would just be happy that he found her again.”_

_“Then, I think you have your answer,” Wanda replied with a soft smile. “If Steve loved you as much as you loved him, then he would be happy for you.”_

_“Thank you, kiddo,” Bucky said, and Wanda rolled her eyes._

_“So, you gonna ask Sam to marry you?” she asked cheekily. Now, it was Bucky’s turn to roll his eyes._

_“That’s the plan,” he replied, a smirk forming on his face. He was back to the Bucky that Wanda knew and loved, but then his face fell._

_“Bucky?” Wanda asked, eyes wide with horror as she watched him turn to dust._

“Kiddo, Jesus,” Bucky said, standing up abruptly when he was brought back to the present. “I haven’t seen you since...well…”

“Since we talked about you asking Sam to marry you,” Wanda finished, smirking. They both heard Steve clear his throat, and Bucky blushed.

“I didn’t remember until I saw Wanda. Calm down, old man,” he told Steve. He turned back to Wanda. “Thanks for that.”

“Anytime,” she said with a grin, taking Bucky’s abandoned seat on the couch. “What were you boys doing before I got here?”

“Just telling Bucky how he needs to tell Sam that they were in love in the soul world,” Steve stated, and Wanda whipped her head to look at Bucky.

“Shut up, both of you. I’m leaving now.”

“Wait, Buck, don’t go.”

“Do you want me to talk to Sam or not?” Bucky asked, grin taking over his face.

...

Bucky arrived home almost the same time Sam had. He walked into the apartment and helped Sam unload the groceries. He sifted through the bags and found some ice cream. Before he could even register, a question popped into his head and came out of his mouth.

“Why didn’t you get cookies and cream ice cream? You know Peter always asks for it,” Bucky blurted out, handing Sam the chocolate ice cream. Sam just stood there for a second, holding the ice cream in his hand. “What?”

“What did you just ask me?” Sam asked. Bucky’s eyes went wide, registering what he asked. “You asked me something about Peter.”

“Do you remember Peter?” Bucky questioned, looking Sam in the eye. 

“It would be a bit hard to forget our son.”

“Wait, you remember us?” Bucky asked, heart beating fast. Sam smiled slightly.

“I don’t remember all of it, but I remember some big things,” Sam explained. He put the ice cream away and turned back to face Bucky, entering his space. “For example, I remember that I had a pretty big question to ask you.”

“No, I had a pretty big question to ask you,” Bucky countered, pulling Sam closer to him.

“I think Peter would be pretty mad if we asked each other anything without him being here,” Sam stated, causing Bucky to nod. Sam pulled out his phone. Bucky began kissing Sam’s neck as he dialled. “I guess I’ll just have to call him.”

“Oh, so it worked. You did run into him.”

“I knew you sent me there for a reason,” Sam said, putting the phone up to his ear and kissing Bucky once on the lips before Peter answered. “Hey, bud, what are you doing tonight? Wanna come over for dinner with me and dad?”

...

Peter was incredibly confused as knocked on Sam and Bucky’s apartment door. He had no idea who remembered what, and he didn’t know what exactly he was walking into. All the nerves went away when Bucky opened the door with a warm smile.

“Sammy, the kid’s here,” Bucky announced from the doorway. He pulled Peter in for a quick hug before leading him into the apartment.

“Hey, kiddo,” Sam greeted from the stove. “I’m just finishing up dinner.”

“Cool,” Peter said. Bucky handed Peter some plates, and Peter began to set the table like he always did.

“So, how’s school been?” Bucky asked. 

“Good. I’m almost done for the year, and then I’m going on a school trip during the summer. MJ and Ned are gonna be there.”

“Oh, MJ, I almost forgot about her,” Bucky said, smirking at Peter and then Sam. “You tell her how you feel yet?”

“God, no,” Peter responded, blushing a deep shade of red.

“Bucky, don’t bother him. Lord knows that you took your grand old time telling me how you felt,” Sam offered from the stove.

“Excuse me, I can say the same for you,” Bucky argued, but he was smiling all the same. “Peter, tell your father that you don’t mind me busting your chops.”

“What if I do mind?” Peter asked. 

“Duh, then, you’re grounded.”

“Right,” Peter replied, smiling. He was done setting the table, so he and Bucky sat down as Sam finished the food and set it down.

“Dinner is served, boys,” he said, sitting down next to Bucky.

“Looks great, sweetheart,” Bucky told Sam before kissing him on the cheek. Peter pretended to throw up. “Don’t disrespect your dads, boy.”

“You tell him, honey,” Sam said to Bucky before casting a smile at Peter. “When is your trip, Pete?”

“Um, July I think,” Peter replied, before digging into his food.

“Okay, so that’s a no on July. Maybe August?” Sam suggested.

“I don’t know. Steve’s birthday is July and yours is September. I don’t really want to put it in the middle like that. I wanna spread things out,” Bucky explained. “My half of the year is so boring. There’s nothing going on in the winter and spring.”

“I didn’t peg you for a spring wedding type,” Sam stated. 

“I’m sorry what?” Peter asked, and both Sam and Bucky looked at him. “When did you get engaged?”

“Technically speaking, we never did get engaged,” Sam stated. “Neither of us ever proposed.”

“Didn’t need to,” Bucky said, taking a bite of his dinner. “We already knew the answer.”

“Aww, how cute,” Peter joked, but the sentiment was true. “What about a winter wedding? January or February?”

“But then we have to go from March to July without celebrating anything,” Bucky told him.

“That’s not true. Isn’t your anniversary in April? Plus, you technically adopted me in May.”

“Kid raises a good point,” Sam stated. “I like February. January sucks because it’s just the hangover after Christmas and Peter’s birthday.”

“Fair,” Bucky responded. “I like February too.”

“It’s really the best month of the year if you think about it,” Peter began. Sam and Bucky both watched him fondly as he went on a long, nerdy tangent about leap years. 

Bucky turned and grinned at Sam who grinned right back. Bucky Barnes fell in love with Sam Wilson faster than he had ever done anything in his entire life. He had been alive for longer than any human should be, but the five years he spent with Sam were the best of his very long life. As he sat with his fiance and son, he hoped that the rest of his life would be as amazing as those five years.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Hope you liked it!


End file.
